How To Have An Impatient Wife

The diagnostic ultrasound, which is when you are often able to discover the sex of your baby, is normally scheduled around week 20.

Yesterday, my wife booked an appointment at a local 3D ultrasound clinic. She just started week 18.

The reason – she wants to know the sex so she can start buying Team Canada Olympic wear for a newborn.

I’m sure I am not the only patient husband out there with a less-than-patient wife. Honestly, I’m just as excited to find out the gender of our baby. Granted, I could wait another couple weeks.

The best thing a husband can do is keep quiet and let his hormonal, easily-angered pregnant wife get her way. Besides, she’s so excited that I can’t help but get excited too.

Incidently, it’s a girl!

What to Drink And What to Avoid While Pregnant

A lot of women worry about what they drink while pregnant. Conflicting information about any number of beverages makes the choices even more difficult. The key is moderation. With the exception of water, any beverage I list below can be harmful during pregnancy if your wife drinks it by the gallon on a regular basis.

What to Drink

Water. Water should be everyone’s primary beverage. And I’m not talking about all of these new vitamin waters or flavoured powder mixes. Just plain old H²O. Get a water filter if you have concerns about what’s in your tap water. Other than that, you should be drinking it as clear as possible.

Tea. Black, green, oolong and white teas are all safe to drink during pregnancy. Depending on the depth of processing and the steeping time, the amount of caffeine in each cup will vary (black teas are generally the strongest, whereas white teas contains almost no caffeine). In case you didn’t know, all tea comes from the same plant. The “color” you see marketed by tea companies describes the level of processing the leaves undergo from plant to cup.

Herbal Infusions. Often incorrectly called “tea”, these are basically some other plant’s leaves or flowers steeped in water. Most herbals are safe to drink, and sometimes contain added benefits. For example, ginger can ease the effects of nausea during the first trimester.  Probably the safest to drink during pregnancy is probably Rooibos, or African Red Bush. Not only is it chock full of beneficial properties, it also contains no caffeine. Be sure that she avoids Rooibos that is blended with other herbs in case there is something harmful mixed in. Be sure to do a little research first before she tries any other herbal infusions.

Soda. While these drinks can contain a ton of sugar (one reason alone to avoid), as an alternative to coffee or cola, soda is an ok option. One can or less a day won’t cause any harm.

Special Note On Caffeine. While many doctors advise pregnant women should stay away from caffeine, just as many say it’s safe. The key thing to consider is quantity. Generally, pregnant women should ingest less than 200mg of caffeine each day – about one 12oz cup of coffee. For comparison, an 8oz cup of black tea contains about 40-60mg of caffeine, while a 12oz can of Pepsi is only about 40mg. Caffeine aside, be sure to consider what other chemicals that are in the beverage when using this figure as a guide.

What to Avoid

Alcohol. This is a no-brainer. Alcohol is bad for anyone, let alone pregnant women. Most women are sensible enough to avoid it. The best part is that my wife has no problem being the designated driver for the next two years.

Herbal Infusions. Yes, I suggest both drinking and avoiding herbal infusions. The reason is that there are certain herbs that may cause problems. Rosemary, thyme, and lavender have all been known to complicate certain stages of pregnancy. Additionally, Chamomile has come under fire as some studies have found that it can have adverse effects on the uterus. While most of the evidence and advice is contradictory, it is probably best that she just avoid it altogether.

Cola. While it contains less caffeine than tea or coffee, colas often contain a whole host of other unnatural ingredients that I certainly suggest you avoid. That said a can of Coke or Pepsi is not going to do much harm. I just suggest she avoid them whenever possible.

Coffee. This one gets a bad rap, and for generally good reasons. By volume, coffee contains a lot of caffeine compared to almost any other drink. Not only that, but the type of caffeine found in coffee produces a stronger effect than tea or cola (often known as the “coffee high”).This can not only cause her higher stress, but can lead to a dangerously elevated fetal heart rate. She should probably kick her Starbucks habit until after your baby is no longer nursing.

While I do make a distinction between drinks to avoid and those that are safe, the important consideration is, again, moderation. Anything is safe so long as she does not drink excessive amounts of it. One night of heavy drinking will immediately convince you of that.

6 Ways To Share The Pregnancy Experience

Today, my wife felt the first flutters of our new baby “it”. And while she was excited about the new sensations, like every father, I was stuck on the outside, unable to really know how what its like. So I began to think of ways to further share in this amazing part of the pregnancy.

I feel there are two ways to experience the pregnancy along with your partner – through a form of labour and by interacting directly with the baby in the hope of triggering a flutter, kick, etc.

Labour-Based Experience

Now, I’m sure you’ve heard of the artificial baby-belly that men can wear that mimics the weight and size (and pains) of being pregnant. While this can certainly be a labour-intensive task for some fathers, this is not quite what I’m referring to. Below are some projects and labour-based experiences that will help you feel not so out of it. Otherwise you just end up living your normal life while your wife gets to experience some amazing things with the growing baby.

Build A Nursery. If you’re at all handy, or have some handy friends/relatives that are free for a large chunk of time, and you already have a dedicated room/space, set aside several weeks and design, build, and furnish a nursery. Not only is this a great space to have, it also gives you the opportunity to contribute something of use to your new baby. Sure she’s carrying the baby, but you freakin’ built a whole room for it! Bonus marks for building the furniture by hand (and I don’t mean from Ikea).

Write A Guide Book For Your Child. This is the kind of project that can take years to complete, but can be extremely rewarding. Fathers throughout history have always tried to pass on their wisdom to their children. Books like Life’s Little Instruction Book and Rules For My Unborn Son are inspired by this tradition. So set aside time now and start your own volume of maxims that you can pass on to your child.

Start A Project With Your Other Child. If you have another child, chances are they are gradually starting to feel less special as the pregnancy goes on and more attention is placed on the baby-to-be. Now is a great opportunity to spend some quality time with your older child by starting a new project or hobby together. Start them in a new sport or activity (like dance or martial arts) and be their biggest supporter, by attending practises and competitions. Or ask them to help you on a bigger project like the nursery. They can use their creative juices to help you design the furniture or pick our a paint colour for the walls.

Interactive Experience

This is all about getting some stomach time. Your wife has no choice but to be there too, so whatever interaction you decide to have may want to involve her too.

Play Music or Sing. I don’t mean put a record on or set up the karaoke machine, but actually pick up an instrument and play it for your baby. If you don’t already know how to play something like the guitar or piano (the instruments least likely to anger the mother – my drumming doesn’t always go over so well), you’ve got nine months to learn it! While it’s not true for every baby out there, by about week 14 or 15, your child can start to ear things and may respond to you playing and singing (well, hopefully) with some well-timed movements.

Read Aloud. Another way to have your baby respond to sound is to read aloud from your favourite book. To keep your partner engaged, try reading from a play where you each read a different role. In nine months, you can easily get through the entire Shakespeare folio and possibly produce your own little thespian (or literary genius). The idea is to get your baby used to your voice. By the time it’s big enough for your wife to feel its kicks, it may even kick on queue when it hears your voice. How cool is that!

Stomach Rub. My wife is never opposed to this one. Engaging in some good old tummy rubbing is a great way to be right there when your baby starts being active. If you make this a daily ritual, who knows, the baby might start to recognize your rubbing versus your partner’s. Or, maybe I’m full of it; but it would be great to be there for the first kicks (fingers crossed).

Nine months can be as long or as short as you want it. While you can certainly just do one of these things and be extremely satisfied, my advice is to try to engage in all six of these activities over the course of the pregnancy. Not only will you pick up a few new skills and have something to show for it, you’ll also be much closer to your unborn child than if you changed nothing about your current day-to-day routine.

What Is Round Ligament Pain?

At around 12 weeks my wife started complaining about a sharp pain in her lower abdomen. Obviously, our first fear is that there is something wrong with the baby and a miscarriage is on the way, even though she has exhibited none of the symptoms. After some digging around and asking questions, we determined that it is probably a common phenomenon known as Round Ligament Pain.

What Is The Round Ligament?

The round ligament is a small piece of tissue responsible for maintaining the uterus’ forward-tilted position. As the uterus grows in size to accommodate the growing bundle of joy, the round ligament is stretched beyond it’s normal length. Thus, the stabbing pain.

She will indicate that the pain is located in a very small area on the right side of her abdomen below her belly button. It should not feel like anything other than a stabbing pain and should not move to any other location in the abdomen.

How Should She Deal With The Pain?

For my wife, the pain becomes most intense after she’s been active (after a long walk or standing for long periods of time). Simply resting for a short time often clears it up. Changing positions when seated or lying down also helps ease the pain. You can also apply a heating pad or, for some woman, becoming active by walking or lightly stretching can relieve some of the pressure. Some women may be prescribed Tylenol to ease the pain (as acetaminophen is safe to take in small doses during pregnancy).

Should You Worry?

This seems to be a normal part of the first and second trimesters and these sharp pains. For most women, the pain disappears only to come back again a few weeks into the second trimester. For others, it sticks around until well in the 20′s. Round ligament pain is probably just the start of all sorts of interesting and unique aches and pains your wife will feel. And while the round ligament pain is one of the more intense sensations (what stabbing pain isn’t?), the occurrence of this condition shouldn’t cause any concern.

You should only worry if other signs of miscarriage pop up, such as menstrual-like cramps and bleeding. If your wife complains that the pain has increased in intensity and frequency, then it wouldn’t hurt to have a doctor take a look.

An ultrasound may reveal that other organs in the vicinity are resisting the expansion of the uterus, which just puts more pressure (and pain) on the round ligament.

Ultimately, this pain should not be a concern. The best thing to do is reassure your wife that there is nothing “wrong” with the baby and there won’t be a miscarriage unless she starts bleeding.

Occasionally ask her if the pain has worsened or if it feels like menstrual cramps. Just the question alone may ease her mind and help her endure it a little longer.

Resources:

1. Baby Center

2. Wikipedia – “Round Ligament“

3. Women’s Healthcare Topics

4. Babies Online

5 Ways To Tell Others About The Baby

Whether she’s past the twelve week hurdle or not (and the threat of a miscarriage is greatly reduced) you are probably both excited to tell others about the baby. Here are five ways to spread the big news.

Be Subtle. While you may be attracted to a huge announcement all over the Internet, you might also realize that everyone on your Facebook friends list might not actually care about the fact that you’ve knocked someone up. Another way to spread the news is to be more subtle. Invite a few of your closest friends over for dinner and drinks (well, except for her). After a nice meal, simply share the news with everyone with something like: “Well, we’ve gathered you here because we want to let you all know that we’re expecting a baby.” This will produce the right amount of shock and excitement, a few tears and high-fives, and will enable you both to maintain your class.

Tell Only Closest Friends and Family First. This might seem like a no-brainer, but a lot of relatives may not understand why you didn’t tell them before your best friend. And while a few egos might be bruised in the process, remember that the ones you tell now are the same people you will have to give to bad news to should anything go wrong. So, be picky with who you tell early on.

Be Careful Who You Tell. As a caveat to the previous item, you want to be sure that those you do tell (especially prior to twelve weeks) are respectful and won’t turn around and tell a dozen other people five minutes after you hang up the phone. Make sure the first people you tell are those you trust.

Let Pictures Tell The Story. Go ahead any take a few casual shots at a party and post them online. It won’t take long before others start to notice that something is a little different about her. This is a fun way to let others know about what she’s got baking in the oven.

Wait For Others To Ask. This is the method for all the shy ones. Just wait for someone to ask “So, us she pregnant yet?” or “When are you having a baby?” Some people will shock you with how blunt they are with this question. It’s a nice way to open the conversation with those you might not be totally telling outright.

Regardless of how you tell others about the baby, just remember to enjoy this time and spend it with your wife, not out there telling everyone about it.